Living with borderline personality disorder can feel like losing control in an instant, according to 22‑year‑old writer Logan MacDonald, who describes episodes as an “out‑of‑body experience” that floods her with overwhelming emotion.
What an episode feels like
Logan says a BPD episode is “being a passenger in your own car and watching the destruction the driver is causing on the road.” She adds that the experience can happen regardless of how minor the trigger is, and the aftermath often lingers for weeks.
During an episode she may forget details or misremember what occurred, yet the emotional impact remains vivid. “Sometimes I’m aware that I’m going through it, other times I’m not, but no matter what, it always feels like the worst possible thing has happened,” she explains.
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One of the most distressing symptoms for her is the fear of abandonment. A brief moment alone can feel like an endless stretch of solitude, amplifying anxiety and shame.
Impact on relationships and self‑perception
People with borderline personality disorder often “split,” meaning they can shift from loving someone to hating them within seconds. Logan notes that this pattern “affects my relationship and my relationship with myself, because there’s always a lot of guilt and shame moving forward from that.”
About three‑quarters of individuals with BPD self‑harm repeatedly, and roughly ten percent die by suicide, highlighting the seriousness of the condition.
Therapy, open communication with loved ones, and journaling are strategies she finds helpful. Over time she has learned to “ride the wave” of intense feelings until the episode passes.
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Practical coping tips
When anger surges, ripping up paper, exercising, or punching a pillow may provide release. If sadness dominates, watching a favorite show, writing emotions, or allowing herself to cry or sleep can be soothing.
Anxiety can be eased through deep breathing, a warm drink, or a hot shower. For dissociation, cold water, ginger, or another spicy bite may help reset the senses.
“I wish more people understood the absolute lack of control someone with BPD goes through, and the torrent of emotion that’s piled onto them in a single second,” she says. “It isn’t gradual, it isn’t announced.”
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